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The Super Bowl Blackout Was Staged!

January 29, 2018

These conspiracy theories that have actually spread around the internet are so goofy that we kind of wish they were true.

Ted Cruz

Several preposterous theories were posited during the 2016 presidential election about primary candidate Ted Cruz. Some people thought he was the infamous and uncaught Zodiac Killer who terrorized San Francisco in the 1960s (before Cruz was born). Even stranger than that: writer Michael Boulerice suggested that Cruz was actually the lead singer of 1980s hair metal band Stryper. Well, Cruz is about the same age as Stryper lead singer “Michael Sweet,” and the two guys do sort of look alike.

Gucci Mane

Rapper Gucci Mane went to prison and he came out in 2016 a changed man. Just a little too changed, according to some. Fans they that while in prison, he was cloned by the government. The guy walking around as “Gucci Mane” these days is obviously that clone, because he no longer has his signature face tattoo of an ice cream cone, and also he’s lost a lot of weight.

Super Bowl XLVII

The most memorable moment of Super Bowl XLVII in 2013: the blackout that delayed the game for more than half an hour. The Super Bowl is such a massive production that some people think it’s far too unlikely that the power would just suddenly go out and there’d be no way to get it back on—which led to the conspiracy theory that the NFL, and/or broadcaster CBS, engineered the power outage. Why? The game was a blowout, people were tuning out, and a newsworthy event like a blackout would bring people back.

Cal Ripken, Jr.

Cal Ripken, Jr. holds the title of longest consecutive game streak in baseball history. When it looked like Ripken’s streak could prematurely end in 1997 when the player had to miss a game, it’s said that his team, the Baltimore Orioles made a section of lights on its home field malfunction in order to push back the game to another day. What happened to Ripken? He caught his wife in bed with actor Kevin Costner, and then the two men got in a fight. (The story goes that Ripken was either too injured or too distraught to play.) Ripken still gets asked about this in interviews, and he thinks it’s funny. He and Costner are friends, and in reality, he was in the Orioles dugout the night of the game in question watching and waiting as a crew tried to fix those lights.

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