Everyone in the United States is required to answer the questions on this important official document by April 1, 2010. And that includes Canada.
Please cut and paste any or all of the following questions into a comment below and answer accordingly. Comments will be placed in a large virtual hat on April 1, 2010, and one winner will be drawn from said hat. Winner will receive either an all-expenses-paid trip to the Bahamas or a free book, whichever makes our accountants happier. Read. Set. Go!
• What is your name? (Made up names like “Thunder Pants” or “Larry, Lord of Mattresses” are okay.)
• How many bathrooms do you have in your house, apartment, mobile home, igloo, quonset hut, burrow, or large plastic cow?
• How many Uncle John’s Bathroom Readers do you have in each bathroom? (Penalties apply for each answer less than “1”.)
• How many Bathroom Readers do you have in your home in total?
• What is your age? (It’s okay to lie. Uncle John does it all the time. He’s 12.)
• What year did you first become a fan of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader?
• What is your favorite type of spoon: soup, salad, egg, ear, or bacon?
• Have you ever made someone wait to get in the bathroom because you were reading a Bathroom Reader? (Bonuses apply if it was your own children.)
• Has reading a Bathroom Reader ever caused you to miss a television program or other important event?
• Do you read Bathroom Readers you find in other peoples’ bathrooms? (Did you wash your hands first?)
• Do you have a favorite Bathroom Reader? If so, which one?
• Do you like piña coladas?
• Do you subscribe to an online dating service? (Answer only if you answered “Yes” to previous question.)
• Ethnic question: Do you have an a) German shepherd; b) African gray parrot; c) English bulldog; d) Siamese cat; e) Burmese python; f) chihuahua? (If you answered “e,” did you buy the python at a pet shop or did it just appear in your toilet one day?)
• Do these jeans make me look fat?
• Is the song “If You Like Piña Coladas” stuck in your head?
• Did you enjoy filling out this Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader 2010 Census form, and will you send it to all your friends to ask them to do it, too? (Awesome!)