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Fake-or-Fact Friday: Fast Food Edition

April 11, 2014

Two of these news items really happened. One of them only happened…in our minds. Can you tell which is the fake? The answer is below.

A.

A 28-year-man in Avondale, Arizona, is in custody after he allegedly forced his girlfriend to eat nothing but marshmallow Peeps, over the course of four days. According to authorities, Angelo Dawson had stockpiled Easter candy for the couple’s two young children, but someone got into the stash. When Dawson discovered the missing treats, he blamed his girlfriend, Brittany Eastman. His revenge? He bought $450 worth of Peeps at a warehouse store and locked Eastman in her bedroom with nothing but the peeps and two gallons of water. Eastman was finally discovered when a mailman heard the woman calling for help.

B.

Mighty Taco is taking a stand. The Buffalo, N.Y.-based chain of Mexican restaurants has officially banned Vladimir Putin from all 23 of its locations. In the announcement, the company stated that the situation in Crimea and the Ukraine is unacceptable, and Putin—who’s pictured in a red-tinted photograph—won’t be enjoying any of its fast food delicacies: no Super Mightys, no Carne-Alotas, no Roastitos, no Buffitos, until he stops “picking on people.” (It should be noted that there are no Mighty Taco locations in Russia, nor does Putin regularly visit the Buffalo area.)

C.

A 19-year-old Notre Dame student has been arrested after he went on a rampage at a massage parlor…and devoured a stash of Hot Pockets. Brian McCurren used a flowerpot and a hammer to break into Therapeutic Indulgence in South Bend, Indiana, and once inside, he broke furniture, mirrors, and spa equipment, then proceeded to spray a fire extinguisher throughout the building. Next, he went to the kitchen and ate a half a large box of Hot Pockets. According to the owner of the parlor, Sara Ros Frazier, “Macaroni and cheese was warming up in an antique style oven and then [he] passed out eating drumsticks on a table.” That’s where police found him. At that point, the mac and cheese was so burned the fire alarm was going off. He was arrested for burglary, vandalism and underage consumption—when police asked him if he’d done any drugs, he said, “I hope so.” At the station, he blew a .106.

Want more fakes? Check out Uncle John’s Fake Facts. (Really!)

 

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