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Misfit Toys

February 17, 2016

A few more violent, racist, and otherwise inappropriate items with one strange thing in common: Kids are supposed to play with them.
A few more violent, racist, and otherwise inappropriate items with one strange thing in common: Kids are supposed to play with them.

Black Bandit

The LEGO company has distanced itself from what Muslim groups have dubbed the “terrorist LEGO.” Sold by an unlicensed LEGO enthusiast from Seattle named Will Chapman, Black Bandit is a head-scarf-wearing, bearded LEGO man armed with an “RPG, C96 Broomhandle Mauser Pistol, AK Assault Rifle, M67 Frag Grenades, and Black Rubber Band Bandoleer.” Chapman denies the bandit is a terrorist, instead calling it a “generic bad guy.”

Woody

A lot of products that use licensed names or images are actually counterfeit. Besides being illegal, they’re also shoddy. This bootleg Toy Story 3 action figure from China has a sound chip—probably a leftover from another bootleg—that tells a slightly different story than the beloved film. At the push of a button on Woody’s back, the sound of a rapid-fire machine gun plays along with a voice that screams, “Fire! Fire! Fire! Code blue! Fire! Drop the gun!” (Machine gun not included.)

Crazy for You Teddy Bear

For Valentine’s Day 2005, the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. sold this $70 bear bound in a white straight jacket that came with “commitment papers.” Mental health professionals weren’t crazy about the bear, and after numerous complaints, the toy company put it away for good.

Star Knight

Designers of the Chinese Darth Vader lookalike made a few changes to avoid lawsuits. For one, it’s fatter than authorized versions of the Star Wars character. And for some reason, pudgy Vader comes on a white police motorcycle (it actually says “POLICE” on it), presumably so he can pull people over and say, “I find your lack of doughnuts disturbing.”

Xena the Warrior Princess

Part of a Hercules toy line from the 1990s, the packaging for the curvaceous doll suggests that kids “Remove Xena’s Princess warrior outfit!” What’s so odd about that? She’s not wearing anything underneath it.

Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader
 

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