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No More Mr. Nice President

October 17, 2016

Sure, you could vote for one of the major party candidates…or you could vote for Alice Cooper! The 1970s shock rocker has thrown his hat into the ring in the race to be Commander-in-Chief.
Alice Cooper for PresidentRunning for president this year (but only as a goof) is “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and “I’m Eighteen” horror-rocker/radio host/golfer Alice Cooper. His platform is actually quite simple and direct, and consists of only 10 campaign promises.
However, some of them are far out of the jurisdiction of the power of the United States or its president, so he might have a hard time enacting some his ideas. Among them: renaming Big Ben—the giant clock in London “Big Lemmy” after the late Motorhead singer and heavy metal icon Lemmy Kilmeister, and getting Peter Sellers on the British 20-pound note. Cooper’s other platform ideas might be a little easier to pass, such as putting Groucho Marx on the American $50 bill, adding Kilmeister to Mount Rushmore, a ban on talking during movies, and a ban on selfies (except on “National Selfie Day”). Cooper’s slogan: “I can do nothing as well as they do nothing.”
Cooper has re-released his 1972 hit “Election” as his official campaign song. (Do the other candidates even have an official campaign song?) In fact, that’s long been Cooper’s official campaign song: He’s jokingly run for president in every election since 1972. (In case you’re a little rusty on your American history, he’s yet to win.) To balance out the ticket, Cooper has selected as his running mate beloved Oscar-winning actor Tom Hanks…although Hanks has no knowledge or approval of his selection.
However, it would seem that the Arizona resident may have a pretty steep uphill climb to the White House. As of this writing, only 4,919 people have pledged to vote for Cooper in the election in November, which makes him a few million short of what he’d need for a victory.

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