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$tar War$: Strange Star Wars Products

October 18, 2016

Nothing says “May the force be with you” quite like a waffle maker. Here are some real tie-ins to a galaxy far, far away. This article was first published in Uncle John’s Uncanny Bathroom Reader

Crocs

The plastic sandals are available in a The Force Awakens edition: the bad guys (Kylo Ren, stormtroopers) printed on one foot, and the good guys (Finn and Rey) on the other.

Creamer

Coffee-Mate released a special line of its nondairy creamers in bottles that look like characters, including Darth Vader (Espresso Chocolate flavor), C-3PO (Hazelnut), and Chewbacca (Spiced Latte).
Coffee Mate Star Wars Creamers

Inflatable Darth VaderChristmas Decorations

You can buy a 16-foot-tall inflatable Darth Vader to put on your lawn during the holidays. Instead of a lightsaber, he’s holding a big candy cane.

Barf Bags

To promote Revenge of the Sith in 2005, Virgin Airlines carried Star Wars–branded air sickness bags on its flights. They were printed with jokey tips about lightsaber safety.

Death Star Waffle MakerWaffle Maker

It makes waffles in the shape and image of the Death Star. (Brought to you by Pangea Brands, which also makes a Darth Vader toaster.)

Sleeping Bag

Remember in The Empire Strikes Back, when Luke Skywalker and Han Solo are stuck on the ice planet Hoth, and to survive, Solo kills his mount—a tauntaun—and puts Luke inside? As a 2009 April Fools’ joke, the online catalog company ThinkGeek offered a ridiculous product that they didn’t have—a tauntaun-shaped sleeping bag (that kids could crawl inside). They were inundated with orders and had to scramble to get permission from Lucasfilm to produce it. Today it’s available in their catalog (and from Amazon).
Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

Yoda Mat

It’s a yoga mat, but it’s got a picture of Yoda on it. Get it? It also has an inspiring quote on it: “Do, or do not. There is no try.”

Rugs

This fuzzy throw rug looks like it was made from a Wookiee pelt. It’s even got Chewbacca’s bandolier attached. Also available: R2-D2 rugs, Millennium Falcon rugs, and Death Star rugs.
Wookiee Pelt Rug

Cat Toys

If your cat loves Star Wars (and of course she does), she’ll love these stuffed animals that are mouse versions of Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, and Yoda.

Bed

Pottery Barn sells this capsulelike bed for kids, shaped like the Millennium Falcon. Cost: $4,000.
Star Wars Bed

Aquarium

A hollow R2-D2 that is home to a bunch of fish.

Tape Dispenser

This bizarre bit of Star Wars merchandise from 1981 is somewhat inappropriate. It’s a seated C-3PO with a roll of Scotch tape emanating from between his legs.
C-P30 tape dispenser

Refrigerator

It may not keep your drinks hyper-cold, but this mini-fridge looks exactly like Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

George Lucas Action Figure

Star Wars creator George Lucas has a cameo in Revenge of the Sith as a blue creature standing outside of an opera house. His three real-life children stand next to him, also made up like aliens. Like almost every other Star Wars character, action figures of the Lucas family are available.

Duck Tape

It’s duct tape…with scenes from Star Wars on it.

Towels

Mirroring a famous exchange from the movies, these his-and-hers towels from ThinkGeek depict Princess Leia saying “I love you” and Han Solo saying “I know.”

Toilet Paper

For the release of Revenge of the Sith in 2005, fans in Germany could buy special Star Wars–branded packs of toilet paper manufactured by the paper company Zewa. (Each pack came with a Yoda action figure.)
Star Wars Toilet Paper

Tackle

Fishing gear manufacturer Shakespeare sells Star Wars stuff that you can fish with. The kids’ fishing starter packs include tackle boxes and fishing rods made to look like lightsabers.

Tongs

Why use regular barbecue tongs when you could use tongs that look like a lightsaber and make lightsaber sound effects? (Frequently bought with Darth Vader apron and Darth Vader heat-resistant silicone oven gloves.)
Lightsaber Tongs

Fancy Dresses

In 2014, the fashion house Rodarte introduced Star Wars dresses for women. Similar to the garments worn by Princess Leia, the dresses are billowy, flowing, and off-white…but screen-printed with scenes from the Star Wars movies. Cost: about $6,000.

Apples

The fruit distribution company Sage paid a hefty fee to brand Red Delicious apples with Star Wars imagery. Here’s what they came up with in late 2015: apples (regular apples) in a plastic bag with Darth Vader’s picture on it.
Uncle John's Uncanny Bathroom Reader

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