Printers Row Publishing Group:


Warning Labels

November 10, 2016

Some things in life go without saying…but there’s always the occasional genius who has to be told not to hold the moving end of a chain saw.
Warning Labels
On Cadbury Whole Nut Milk Chocolate bar: “Contains nuts, milk.”
On a massager: “Do not use while unconscious.”
On shin guards: “Cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”
On a fireplace lighter: “Do not use near flame or sparks.”
On a hot beverage cup: “Caution: Hot beverages are hot!”
On a Frisbee: “May contain small parts.”
On an electric cattle prod: “For use on animals only.”
On a cordless phone: “Do not put lit candles on phone.”
On cat litter: “Safe for use around pets.”
On an iPod shuffle: “Do not eat iPod shuffle.”
On a lottery ticket: “Do not iron.”
On a Jet Ski: “Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level.”
On sunglasses: “Not suitable for driving under conditions of poor light.”
On a bottle of mineral water: “Suitable for vegetarians.”
On PMS relief medicine: “Do not use if you have prostate problems.”
On a bottle of champagne: “Remove label before placing in microwave.”
On a Slush Puppie: “Ice may be cold.”
On a chain saw: “Do not hold the wrong end of a chain saw.”
On a toilet plunger: “Do not use near power lines.”
On baby lotion: “Keep away from children.”
On a 500-piece puzzle: “Some assembly required.”
On a superhero costume: “You cannot save the world!”
Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader

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