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The World’s Weirdest Cheeseburgers

July 29, 2019

You can get a burger with everything on it at almost everywhere these days —gas stations, convenience stores, grocery stores…but you’ll have to go a little but father for these bizarre meat-cutes.

All the Cholesterol the Law Allows

Since the ‘90s, Atlanta’s The Vortex has served “Coronary Bypass Burgers” to those who dare…and who should probably come with a permission slip from their doctor. This thing could feed or defeat an army: It’s a triple decker, except instead of buns, each of the three bread slices are whole grilled cheese sandwiches. Between those individual sandwiches come three massive beef patties, three fried eggs, 10 slices of bacon, and an astounding 14 slice of cheese. 

‘50s Style

PYT Burger (an East Coast chain) offers a ton of forward-thinking, gut-busting cheeseburger concoctions. Among them is the TV Dinner Burger, a re-creation of the first, classic frozen dinners from the 1950s. Instead of buns, the burger uses two deep-fried mashed potato cakes. On the inside: Not a burger, but Salisbury steak, and it’s topped with gravy, carrots, and peas.

Squaresville

Like the TV Dinner, Ellio’s is another frozen food milestone of the 1950s — it’s one of the first commercially available frozen pizzas. They’re the basis of another, Italian-American-inspired PYT offering. Two pieces of Ellio’s are deep-fried, which become the buns to house a burger that’s really an Italian meatball smashed into patty shape and then topped with provolone, mozzarella, and marinara sauce.

Not on the Dollar Menu

This one is just ridiculous…ly expensive. The cheeseburger is a populist food, a relatively or absolutely cheap way to fill one’s belly. Not the Fleur Burger 5000 at Fleur, renowned chef Hubert Keller’s Las Vegas outpost. The “5000” means $5,000, as it’s made from pricey Japanese wagyu beef, which is covered in butter before it’s topped with spendy ingredients like black truffles and foie gras. (It’s also served with a bottle of champagne.)

Split it Into Fifths or Thirds

The West Michigan Whitecaps minor league baseball team plays at Fifth Third Ballpark, named for a bank. That name was also given to its Fifth Third Burger, a gigantic burger which is topped with seemingly anything and everything hanging around the concession stand. Five 1/3-pound patties sit on a one-pound, eight-inch wide bun. Then comes a cup of chili, five slices of processed cheese, nacho cheese, salsa, Fritos, lettuce, tomato, and sour cream. 

Just One S’more

Perhaps the world’s second-best hot sandwich, after the cheeseburger, is the s’more, that campfire treat consisting of roasted marshmallows, chocolate squares, and graham crackers. Midtown Caboose in Tallahassee, Florida, combines the two with its cleverly titled S’more Than Words. They crust the patty in graham cracker crumbs, then top it with melted marshmallows and dark chocolate, and served it inside two pieces of cocoa-flavored bread. (And there’s bacon, too, because why not?)

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