The Absolute Worst in Entertainment

May 19, 2020

Everybody wants to be the best, but you know what’s more interesting? The worst. Here are some of the most spectacular flops to ever come along and utterly fail in their attempts to entertain.

Worst Movie of All Time?

After seeing a double-feature of musical duds Can’t Stop the Music (starring the Village People) and Xanadu (about a Greek muse who helps open a roller disco), John Wilson established the Golden Raspberry Awards, or “Razzies,” to recognize annually the worst films and acting performances. Many flops have won “Worst Picture” over the years — Gigli, Wild Wild West, Showgirls — the all-time Razzies champion is Jack and Jill. In 2012, the movie, in which Adam Sandler plays both a man and his obnoxious sister, was nominated in all 10 Razzies categories, and “won” them all.

Worst Box-Office Grosser

In 2006, Grey’s Anatomy’s Katherine Heigl and B-movie king Tom Sizemore starred in Zyzzyx Road, a thriller about a woman who hires a guy to kill her former lover. Due to contractual obligations, producers had to release it to a movie theater — any theater — and dumped it in a single Dallas multiplex, where it played once a day, at noon, for a week. Only six tickets sold, for a total box-office haul of $30.

Least-Viewed TV Channel

In the early ‘80s, Byron Allen made a name for himself as a stand-up comedian and a host of the reality show Real People. He then became a television entrepreneur, producing shows and multiple small, specialized cable TV networks. One of them is called Comedy.TV, which airs primarily episodes of a short-lived syndicated stand-up comedy showcase series also called Comedy.TV. For the second straight year, in 2019, it was the least-watched network in the entirety of cable television. Top-ranked Fox News brought in 2.481 million, vs. #115 Comedy.TV’s average viewership of about 1,000 people.

Want more of the very, very bad? Then check out this very, very good book: The 10 Worst of Everything, by Sam Jordison, available now from Portable Press.